In honor of celebrating thirteen years since first diagnosed with late-stage cancer I wrote a poem. Poetry is one of my loves and though I have not written too many over the years when I do write it comes from a place deep in my heart that comes out and does its best to express how I am feeling.
I hope you enjoy it. 🩵❤️🫶🏽
Cheers to Thirteen Years!
Sometimes I close my eyes
And try to imagine when cancer was first found
Being so many years ago, feels like I won some kind of prize
Thinking about how it is that I’m still here, is beyond profound
But if it was a prize, it’s both joyful and sad
Joyful, well, because I am still here
Sad because there’s just so many (amazing) women who died from the same disease, which makes me so mad!
It’s something that I have been conflicted about with each passing year
My love and appreciation for making it all these years
Is mixed with hurt and sorrow
To hear of another grandmother, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, wife, friend dying of ovarian cancer brings me to tears
Knowing I’m living and thriving while they have not been given another tomorrow
How could I not be torn about it?
Part of me has an attitude of gratitude
While the other part has sadness for those who simply aren’t here anymore, because of this shit!
Please do not think this is merely some platitude
I disdain the existence of all cancers, but ovarian cancer the most
All these years later and YET still so many dying
That’s why I do what I can to spread awareness beyond some Facebook post
My part may be little, but as long as I’m still living, I will keep on trying
Trying to make a difference with advocacy
This is one of the ways I celebrate still being around
Being a voice for the voiceless not frantically but ravenously
Trust me I’m not in it for me… no desire to astound
I truly just want to help while I’m still here and able to
It’s been thirteen years since cancer was (first) found and removed
Even though it came back twice, God’s continued to get me through
God’s always the reason despite all the pain these years have brought to never let me be consumed
Consumed with anger or bitterness
Nay, that’s not me, for my name is Hope
HOPE is optimism that gives me strength to overcome any emotional fragileness
HOPE that’s embedded in my soul… and is how I have always been able to cope
I have said this before and it’s no different today
I don’t know why I’m still alive through three cancer diagnosis
I’ve heard it said “that if you are still breathing there’s still a reason”, which I feel is not just some cliché
No matter the reason or for how many seasons I have left, I’ll do my best to live with meaning and with focus
To try to contribute good in this world remembering that I’m not perfect
To keep moving forward even if the pace isn’t as it used to be
With hoping and praying whatever it is I do will always have a positive effect
To enjoy the little things like a great cup of coffee or sips from good tea
To surround myself with the things that give me peace
To be patient, loving and kind
To appreciate my family and friends (and cat) cause they are what contributes to my peace
To remember to breathe and take it one day at a time as those things give me peace of mind
On this December 15 I celebrate my (first and maybe most important) cancerversary
For although God got me through the other two
It was the first that was probably the worst and hardest of them all… with the seriously intense surgery
And the brutal chemo too
It is this date that I remember more than any other
It is this date that I celebrate with deep adoration
Not for having gotten cancer, but for God being my strength in helping me recover
In ways that quite frankly go beyond my comprehension
Cheers to Thirteen Years!
Written by: Hope Aguilar
Written on: December 14th, 2024
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